I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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