What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
