He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
