Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
