Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
