ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
