I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
