my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
