Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize