he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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