just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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