And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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