..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
