There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
