Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
