Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
