so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
