apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
