Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
