dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
