I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
