Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
