Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
