Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
