I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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