the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
