cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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