If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize