dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
