I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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