Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
