we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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