i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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