i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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