i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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