if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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