that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
