If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
