Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
