the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
