ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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