I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize