I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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