Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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