I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
