WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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