Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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