If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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