Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
