plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
