Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
