Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize