Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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