in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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