i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
