once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
