atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
