We're facebook friends in real life
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My penis needs a shock collar
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
