nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
