Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
