Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize