and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
