i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My dick has a subreddit
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
