I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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