he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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