i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
