i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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