I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
