ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
