You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
