Pants 0. Shit 1.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
