I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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