I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
