PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
