I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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