I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
