The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My bed smells like the plague
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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