she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize