Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
