Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hotel room ftw
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
