just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
