Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
