idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
