my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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