I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
