I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she smelled like a LAN party
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you inspire me to be a worse person
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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